well, i couldn’t clearly decide if i should write about him or not.
but i think i should, since i feel like it.
he is the first one as far as i remember, that makes me feel the heat while kissing my body.
but he still likes his ex-girlfriend, more than me. he didn’t of course say it but i am pretty sure.
we have started going out on July, 18, namely one week later his girlfriend left him. it was a friend’s birthday party, or else there was no chance i would remember the date.
suprisingly, we didn’t kiss on that day. and that was one of the things that made me feel good about him.
next day, we have met and the only thing we have done-well, almost- kissing.
i was suprised that, when he kissed my back, i felt the arousal, for the first time in my life. i have kissed and did many stuff with a lot of guys, which i can’t count the number, but this was the first i felt like this. in other times, i just tried the make guys feel good, and they always did. i knew i wouldn’t feel a thing and i thought my senses became useless.
but, this time, i didn’t try to make him feel something- well, not much- and i have felt the electricity that was going on in my body, while he was kissing my back.
it wasn’t that satisfying, as one sees in the movies, but i have learned not to believe everything i see in movies.
then we were 10 days apart, because we both had to leave the city for that days.
during that time, we have talked through texting.
it really isn’t my thing. actually, i hate it and only my close friends, or people that spent long time with me, can get if i am serious or not. and usually i am not.
but of course, he didn’t get it.
it was just too awkward for both of us. he even told me that he wanted to end the relationship because i don’t care. i would have just written “fuck off then”, but my friend stopped me and i sung another tune.
after 10 days, 2 days ago we have met for the first, after all that awkwardness. he wanted me to come to his house, and, i did.
i was really excited and ready to be broken apart, since i was sure he would absolutely want to have sex with me.
instead, he was really soft and slow about it.
that made me glad, but i have asked some silly questions and the answers i got were not satisfying; they were heartbreaking!
i have asked if he likes me or not, “because”, i have continued; ” i know you still love your ex.”
he didn’t respond. instead his eyes struck on a clear point until i turn his head and kiss him.
next day i have offered him to meet but he didn’t want to.
but yesterday night he called me. i always listen music with loudspeakers, i believe because of that, his first response was “WHERE ARE YOU?!” ah,, the dialogue was something like that:
*phone rings*
noodlez: hello?
him: where are you??
n: at home?? why??
h: ah,..not important… i was just suffocating myself…
n: ah..
h: (with a more lively voice) what are you doing tomorrow?
n: i am meeting with my best friend.
h: …(with a disappointed voice) ah, OK.
n:…
h:…is it OK… can i come too?
n: ha ha, hell yes, i was waiting for you to ask this.
…
and stuff then.
but when i asked him later on on msn, why he asked where i am, was it that, he was suspicious of me; he said he didn’t even remember himself asking it. and about suffocating; he said he was depressive.
i really don’t know about his feelings towards me. i am sure they are not love, or much of a liking… but what the hell are they??
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